Communication is one of the most important things a relationship needs to succeed. If there is little to no communication in a relationship, problems are bound to arise and the relationship will more than likely not last long.
However, many couples face problems with communication. Just take a look at the following scenarios.
Amy is sitting at the table with Jake and they are both having dinner. However, little to no words are exchanged…
Something has been bothering Amy for a while. She wants to bring it up with Jake but every time he asks her what is wrong, she dodges the question – or just straight out says that nothing is wrong.
Jake wants to spend some quality time with Amy but Amy is always on her cell phone talking with her friends. He wants to tell her how he feels on different matters but she is either busy or not really paying him any attention.
In each of these examples, there is little to no communication. However, each one of these situations is a bit different. Here’s how.
In the first example, they are merely not communicating
In the second example, Amy is a bit concerned about communicating and what comes after
In the third example, Jake wants to communicate but Amy isn’t paying him any attention
To sum it up, there is little communication, being afraid of communicating or the consequences of doing so, and trying to communicate but not getting that communication across or reciprocated.
These are only a few of the types of situations couples face in regards to communication problems. Some couples may be communicating but going about it the wrong way. Some may not know the right way to communicate to the one they are with. Some may simply not understand the concept of proper communication.
Since every situation is different, the solutions may be a bit different for each communication problem. Therefore, I have compiled some do’s and dont’s of communication. Following these do’s and don’ts can help improve communication problems in relationships and overall communication skills which can be applied to other situations as well.
Have a closed mind
Have expectations every time you communicate
Assume that you know it all
Have a negative attitude
Close your partner off from confiding in you
Expect your partner to guess how you feel
Fear opening up and expressing your feelings because of the “unknown” or “what comes after”
Interrupt your partner when they are trying to communicate
Have an opened mind
Be honest – If something is bothering you, let your partner know.
Understand your partner and their perspective – This works both ways. Men and women are different so try understand how “YOUR” man or woman feels about various things and try to look at things from their perspective when communicating
Clearly let your partner know your needs, wants, and intentions in a manner that is not demanding or manipulative – making sure not to cross their boundaries or violate their rights
Trust in your partner – If you can trust your partner, you will feel better communicating with them
Have a positive attitude – Be optimistic
Listen to your partner and not just hear what they are saying
Watch your body language, tone, and what & how you say things when communicating and also when listening and responding to your partner
Give feedback – Make sure that when your partner is communicating with you that you give them feedback and let them know that you are not only listening but acknowledging what they are saying
Set some time aside to actually communicate properly
Keep the conversation on track – You don’t want to bring up the past or lose focus of what the conversation is supposed to be about
Use “I” instead of “You” – By using “I” instead of “You”, it doesn’t seem as if you are making accusations or blaming your partner but stating how “You” feel – which will allow your partner to focus on your feelings instead of feeling like they are being blamed, etc.
Be open to compromising and finding alternatives to your wants
So, now that you have an idea of the things you should and should not do – although this is not set in stone – you can apply these to your own relationship and improve your communication.
However, it is important that proper communication is expressed by both partners. If only one person knows how to effectively communicate in the relationship and the other one doesn’t, you are still going to have communication problems.
Both people in the relationship need to understand, listen, and communicate with each other so that in the end – feelings are getting across, you both are being understood, problems are getting brought up and resolved, and so on.
On a side note, I want to bring up something I came across that really made a lot of sense in regards to communication. To bring this topic up, let me ask you a question.
Did you have any communication problems in the beginning of your relationship?
A lot of people’s answer is probably going to be no. People tend to think communication is a problem AFTER they have stated their needs, wants, and desires and their partner is not giving them what they want or behaving like they want them to.
“I don’t think he is listening to me because I’ve told him what I wanted but he isn’t giving it to me.” “It must not be getting through to him”
Well, if you told them what you wanted and they listened to you and understood, that is communication and it isn’t a problem.
If you are not getting what you want, they either feel that you aren’t worthy enough to get whatever it is or they don’t have whatever it is to give you.
If this doesn’t change, you have to decide whether or not to accept it as it is and move on or just leave the relationship if it is a “deal breaker” for you.
Just thought I might add that….