Published November 29, 2011 by matchsoul

Should It Be Me or Them First?

Anyone who knows me understands I’m usually the first to want to lend a hand in helping. Internally, I find that satisfying and it fits with my mental are you with a selfish spouse or partneractions (or personality profile).


Are you the type who thinks of others first or initially yourself?

Recently, I read an article that praised the virtues that everyone must always think of their own well-being above anyone else. I dwelled on this thought for sometime. Had I been going about things the wrong way, all this time?

For some insight on this, check back on a recent blog post here ‘ When Giving, Honesty and Caring Will Damage You ‘ as it was quite lively in the comments section.

Was this the reason I sometimes felt people thought more of themselves than me? I know full well I have immense value to bring, give to and share  to others. I understand my own worth (internally) … I also know that value is shared without thought of return and given selflessly. Every now and then there’s an occasional pang in seeing my needs go by the wayside by another. Shouldn’t everyone think of others?

Which brings me back to the question: Should I re-train my thoughts and my life outlook, to be selfish … Other people’s needs should always come in second best, below my own needs?

What’s the downside – and maybe there’s just an upside … For me!




  1. More than likely I’ll be in a battle with my inner self (briefly I’d hope)
  2. Relationships will certainly change


  1. I’ll get more of what I need in life – more long-lasting and sustained happiness.
  2. My life will be more fulfilled.
  3. If I change, will I also get better relationships? Perhaps and I’d certainly hope thi to be true.


Certainly, any change of behavior needs to take into consideration how this is likely to affect respect, communication as well as other areas of a relationship. It’s certainly needed that a degree of mutual respect is maintained however how that respect is carried forward, is now yourself being the main focus.

I’m presuming that where once my main focus was the other person, it’s now myself. My own drivers are now the requirements for satisfaction, not the other person/s.

So I wonder how people, who think of themselves, equilibrate that sharing of themselves comes second to thinking and getting their own needs satisfied above others including relationship partners?

How do you operate when it comes to self satisfaction with other people? Please let me know in the comments below and think about me for once 🙂


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