Tips To Be A Good Spouse
When it comes to improvements in our relationships, it’s always a good idea to have a few reminders. Reminders to keep us on track and maybe a few we’ve either forgotten about or even hadn’t thought about before. That’s what life is all about – improvement and moving forward.
So today’s post is a few areas I’ve collected and actually reminding myself about so I’m going to share those with you. I hope you’ll get something from mine.
TRANSPARENCY AND HONESTY
I’ve written times that the cardinal ‘rule of thumb’ in any relationship is transparency of yourself with your partner or spouse. And it’s also an easy one to let slip, in difficult times too. I know I speak of it often and I also know I fail in walking the talk, at times. Hey, I’m human, OK?
Interestingly, though there’s also the nuances of how men and women communicate, that get in the way. By that I mean, each gender gives off signals within our language when it’d be so much easier to verbalise exactly what we each mean.
You know what I’m talking about. Men are often times pretty direct and straightforward – I’m often told I’m too direct. Women can say ‘Maybe’ when it could be a ‘Yes’, a ‘No’ or a ‘Maybe’. Very mixed, especially to us guys.
Tell it the way it is and, sure, roll in some diplomacy but for goodness sakes, keep it real.
While society generally thinks its only women who nag, and they do seem to have a stronger tendency towards it, both men and women nag. So while the heading is called ‘Nagging’, it really should be Stop Nagging and decide to help and work with that special person of yours.
I’m sure most of you all have been nagged before and you’ll readily agree it’s very annoying and grates on your nerves. Is this something you think is OK to reciprocate? Errr, No
It’s unhealthy to live in a constant state of anxiety that your parter might do something wrong. You’ve come this far with them and you’re pretty much OK, so cut them some slack. We are all human and we all make mistakes which we constantly learn from and grow. Your spouse is the same.
And when they know deep down you trust them implicitly, your entire partnership accelerates. It does this as that precious mutual bond between you is that much more solid and unified.
Doubt and insecurity in your mind is simply mental pollution.
EVERYONE NEEDS SPACE AND CLOSENESS
If you love something set it free; if it returns its yours forever, if not it was never meant to be
Whether you’re a guy or a gal and you deeply love your partner, it stands to reason you’d want to spend as much time with them as you possibly could, yeah?
There’s also a strong chance you’ll step over the mark and stifle them with too much of yourself. Everyone needs their own space as well as time alone. Some more than others and you need to be aware of these boundaries.
Along the same vein, you also need to sometimes let go and simply trust. Like those times your husband just wants to spend some time ‘with the boys’. Does this mean he loves you less? Hell no. Cut him some slack and you’ll discover he will probably love you more, now that he knows he isn’t on a leash and you’ve placed your trust in him.
APPRECIATION AND COMPLIMENTS
When we’re in a relationship, it becomes so easy to stop saying those things that really meant a lot to your partner. Whether that’s familiarity or complacency, it’s also a pitfall.
We all love to hear compliments that we’re appreciated, we’re loved, we’ve done something right or a simple ‘Thank you babe for just being you’. Kindness comes back in kind too.
If this has been slipping a bit, take the first step and rekindle the compliments so you start getting them too. Appreciation is like a smile – you always get it returned.
YOU BE YOUR OWN CHANGE, NOT THEM
If there’s ever a major thing that human beings resist, that’s change for no reason or a change in something that person is happy with.
Mind you, if they have a reason to change, that’s a different thing altogether.
When you’re open to new ideas and both fully talk openly and honestly (refer the above section on Trust), there’s a good opportunity for mutual growth and change. Providing everyone wants to. And not wanting to is OK as well.
Resist trying to change someone else for your own gain. You’re unlikely to like this behaviour yourself.
ROMANCE SHOULDN’T BE A WHINY SITUATION
Know when to be romantic and steer clear of overdoing it. There’s a time and a place for everything. Better understand when your partner likes romance, the type of romance (that doesn’t mean genital fondling at every turn either) and the right location for your partner to be comfortable – some people like certain public displays and some prefer it done in private.
Some women expect their guys to be all lovey-dovey and smoochy. Expectations without the other person even knowing them is unfair. Men, for the most part, have been raised with an expectation of toughness. Lovey-dovey is both initially foreign and out of character. Most of us guys simply want to make our gals happy – we also need to know how best to do that. People aren’t mind-readers.