KEEPING THE MAGIC ALIVE (AND GROWING) IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Most people (maybe everyone) starts out in a relationship filled with hope, passion and enthusiasm.
There’s a fuel that drives things forward and has us looking forward to each moment we are together with our new partner. We make plans for the future, hang out together and generally have a great time.
Yet statistically, our relationship has a very poor chance of survival. After the ‘honeymoon’ period is over we either settle into a routine which is comfortable at best, if not necessarily happy.
At worst, we decide to call it quits and have a breakup of the relationship, usually with a fair bit of pain and sadness.
THE FEW SURVIVORS
This is the reality for most relationships.
But there are a small percentage of couples who actually not only stay together, but for whom the relationship gets better (not worse) with time. Most of us have met a couple like that; even after ten years of marriage they will still be all over each other.
They’re the sort of couple whose children say about them, “Get a room!”.
So what is it that these couples are doing that makes them different from most people?
How are they managing to buck the trend and keep the magic and sizzle going?
Why aren’t they like the rest of us and getting bored with each other? After all, after a certain period of time, they must know everything about each other and find things pretty predictable.
What’s really going on?
Relationships are a funny aspect of our lives, in the sense that we tend to treat them in quite a different way to anything else.
With our health, our career, our finances and our personal development we generally realize that if we want to achieve a result we need to
- set a goal;
- create a plan to achieve it;
- try different things and see what works and what doesn’t;
- when we find something that works, keep doing it until we get the result we want, and
- realize that to maintain the result we have to keep doing what works.
But the strange thing is, we don’t do any of this in our relationships. We hope to somehow ‘magically’ attract the ideal mate (even if we’re not sure what we really want) and then to live happily ever after.
Using the above sequence of steps it becomes clear on what to do if we really want to have an intimate relationship that truly is fulfilling for us, and which keeps growing and developing over time.
Firstly, we need to decide what we really want. What are the qualities we want in a partner? What do we want our relationship to look like? And, just as importantly, how much of a priority do we want to make a relationship in our life?
CREATING IDEAL RELATIONSHIPS
Next, how are we going to create that ideal relationship? If we’re already in one, what are we going to do to get or keep it on the track we want towards our goal?
Once you start looking at relationships, one thing becomes very obvious: the reason most people stop having a relationship that is fresh, exciting and continually growing is because they stop doing all the things they used to do early on in their relationship!
It is a very good idea to make a list of all the things you used to do with and for your partner that gave the both of you pleasure.
You’ll find that most of them are simple things – giving them a call during the day while you’re at work, patting them on the arm or touching them in a certain way, cuddling on the couch, sharing new things together, talking over dinner and asking each other questions rather than watching television.
Start making your relationship the most important thing in your life, as it was when you first met, and just watch the magic come back.