Are you with someone who is captivated by love stories, candlelight dinners, and old-fashioned chivalry? If you and your significant other have very different ideas of what romance should be, here is how to come to terms with your differences.
- Understand that there is a reason that we are attracted to the people we are attracted to. This is because relationships are the learning playground of life. How we choose to relate to others gives us information about ourselves. When we see things that we like in others, it illuminates those things that we like and admire in ourselves. And when we see things that we dislike in others, it often signals that we dislike something in ourselves.
- Consider what your opinion says about you. For example, if you like that they are “hopelessly romantic,” you may have your own “hopelessly romantic” side that you would like to bring more attention to. If you dislike that they are so hopelessly romantic, it may mean that you have closed down the idea of romance in yourself, and their romance serves to remind you of all of the ways in which you were hurt when you were deeply connected to someone.
- Give yourself permission to see the world differently. You do not have to see the world as a hopeless romantic does in order to relate to one. Your perception–as well as theirs–has merit, and is worthy of your appreciation and attention.
- Don’t confuse romance with materialism. Hopeless romantics can be low-maintenance dates/partners. Instead of needing to wow them with expensive gifts, dinners, and vacations, you can please them with gestures that are less expensive. Taking late-night walks, cooking a fancy dinner at home, and writing love letters are just a few things you can do to keep your hopelessly romantic partner happy without breaking the bank.
- Think of some things that your partner accepts about you. There is probably something you are passionate about that your partner is not. If they accept and encourage this passion, appreciate that, and seek to return the favor. And, if your partner doesn’t accept your ideas or interests, this might be a good time to talk about how you can both make your relationship healthier by valuing each other’s individuality.
Remember the essence of romance is doing something that you would not normally do, simply because you care.
Remember the essence of romance is doing something that you would not normally do, simply because you care. You may never buy a bunch of flowers for yourself, and that’s exactly what makes it special. The recipient knows you did it just to show you care, and for no other reason.